Well I’m going to talk to my family today… Just my mom. It’s a big step for me. I’m not going into the conversation expecting her to have changed or anything but I can’t help being hopeful. I’m terrified that hope will be swiftly crushed. There is a saying out there “it’s better to stand alone then with people who hurt you” and I’m weary of this. My family is a central source of pain and hurt for me and I need to be very cautious with how I approach this. Some of you might think it would just be easier to cut my family off all together… But I’ve tried that, and haven’t fully ruled it out as a future option if need be. It might sound stupid but I miss having my family… As hurtful and disfunctional as they were, they were mine. If they could change, I could let them back into my life. That’s a huge if though. One that I can’t put all my faith into. For all I know I’ll get on the phone with my family today and it will go just as horribly as it has the past few times I have tried to reach out. You might be thinking that I’m setting myself up for pain, and maybe I am. But I feel like I have to try. Maybe I just haven’t had the hope beaten out of me just yet.