Friday Therapy: A Big One

I can’t help but feel for my therapist today. I’m coming in loaded and ready to explode. This week spiralled out of control. It concluded with my significant other and I sleeping separately last night… 

Yesterday I spent the day helping prepare for my fiance’s sister’s baby shower. I was helping my soon-to-be mother-in-law make these giant cakes. It made me really miss my family. I thought about them all day. I don’t really have a super close relationship with my mother-in-law so I didn’t spill all my feelings to her. To add to the discomfort of the day, they didn’t have any food I liked. I didn’t want to be rude so I kept quiet about it and starved all day. On my way home I got lost and it took me twice as long to get home. My fiance was unprepared for the emotional basketcase that came through the door(me). He got frustrated with me. I felt lonely and rejected. I had no where to go and no one to even talk to about my situation… I cried myself to sleep on the coach last night…

I had too much time to think about everything. I’m wondering if everything I have done that I labeled “progress’ in the last year was really a back step. Should I have really cut my family off for good? Now I’m left with no one who supports and loves me? What if my fiance and I break up? I’ll be on the street… 

I want so badly for my dad to wrap his strong arms around me and tell me it’s all a dream. I didn’t screw everything up and life can just go on as it used to…. I think I made a huge mistake and I can’t go back and fix it… Im too afraid to go forward and see what else the world has planned for me. I hate this life. I’m confused and hurt and my emotions and thoughts are everywhere… 

Like I said… I feel for my therapist today… Maybe she can help me figure this out… Right now, I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life and there is no way to fix it without breaking other people… I fucking hate this… 

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Author: Kenzie

I am a 24 year old Marriage and Family Therapy graduate student at Fairfield University. I graduated salutatorian of my undergraduate class with a Bachelors Degree in Psychology from Mitchell College. I will graduate from Fairfield with my Masters degree in December of 2017. Check me & my cat out on instagram: My Account: @Kenzie_quotes_22 Cats' Account: @Ajaxcheetto Thanks for Visiting!!! 🙋❤😺😸 Check me out on Deviant Art: http://kenzie-22.deviantart.com

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