Again I’m waiting outside my therapist office. I have been on Clomipramine 50 mg since last July. Currenly I take 3 capsules. This medication has worked great to help me control my anxiety related to my OCD. I found myself checking less and doing less repetitive behaviors. A month ago my therapist tried zoloft. After a week I couldnt get out of bed. I felt more depressed and I wanted to die. They told me a reaction like that to zolft ment I was likely being affected by a mood disorder such a bipolar. Since my mother was bipolat it was possible I had some tendencies towards that behavior. So they took me off zoloft. It toom a few days to get out of my system but I felt so much better. Now we are trying Topiramate 50 mg. It’s usually used for migraine s so bonus no more headaches for me! It has been a week since I was perscribed Topiramate. It’s a little hard to describe the difference when it’s so drastic! I went from being weighted down and paralyzed by my anxiety to using it as motivation and to fuel myaelf to get started. It’s like that wall that kept me from begining tasks or fearing doing things is gone. I’m still afraid but not so scared that I’m paralysed by my fear. I have a great example too!
Two days ago I was in class and my teach reminded us of a 6 page assignmnet due on Friday (today). The old me, would have paniced. I would have spent a day crying and flipping out about how I was so stupid to wait till now and beating myself up for what I should of and could have done. What I did do was calmly begin to outline my paper that night. I gotall my elelments together. I spent the next day writing as much as I could. I was at 5 pages when I felt stumped. The old me would have cried and begun to panic. I putthe paper down knowing I still had time and played a relaxing game of NHL 15′ with my fiance and got a good nights sleep. This morning I woke up and finished the paper. My fiance read it for me to reassure my own worry and I submtted it. This sounds like a boring process but it’s a huge accomplishment for me! I calmly handles this assignment and I didn’t panic. I felt in control and I never feel in control.
In fairness I have been doing an enormous amount of self work through psychotherapy and reiki and other forms of self exploration. I humbly beleive the right medication can truely help but only with the right amount of self work as well. Here’s hoping it keeps working for me. I’ll keep you all up to date!