I never let myself draw without a stern image in my head and plenty of planning to assure my finished produce. Over the last few day I decided to exercise a little free hand doodling. I’m not saying my art is anything more than just a doodle, but I never doodle. I never allowed myself to make a mistake. If I did, the piece was ruined. Instead of creatively trying to incorporate my mistake I would give up. I became frustrated. After a while art was not something I enjoyed anymore. It was a task. My OCD made me crazy. I doubted my abilities, my creations. I couldn’t trust my imagination. I would spent hours trying to get the exact symmetry right but never quite get there. I tortured myself with every piece I would make I would cry, cut, and break down over it. Every piece was a part of my soul being torn from me violently. Not anymore. It was almost painful at times, letting myself just draw off the top of my head. Shapes, lines, and Intersecting patterns… There were times I made mistakes. In fact, on my first attempt, I got frustrated “just wanted it to be over” and started to half-ass it. I ended up throwing that one away. Through my rushed efforts to move on to a more “valuable” piece of art in my mind, I ruined the art I was working on. Besides who am I to qualify art as more or less valuable. We all get something different from art. Isn’t that part of the beauty in it? The interpretation? The perception of the viewer? Artist are just a vessel through which creativity flows. For years I have been building these structure dams to control my creativity but I can feel those dams braking now. Now the creativity is flowing freely and I have to learn how to channel it myself. A big part of this process is learning not to judge myself. I might not look at every piece of art I make and see a mast piece but I love the process of making it. I always love the finished products. My worries are always about the perception others might have. It’s easier said than done, to listen only to your own words and not the words of critics. As the quote goes, “haters gonna hate!” If I like it why should I care? I could make the most beautiful piece of art imaginable and I would bet my life that I could find someone out there who would hate it. Everyone has different taste. There’s nothing wrong with this. I need to be a strong enough person on my own to put love into my own work. Go out there and be creative! Don’t let fear hold you back! I’m not anymore.