The OCD Got to Me

What’s it like to have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? A personal account.

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A few mouths ago I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I used to think that OCD was all about keeping things clean and organized. I jokingly used the term to refer to people who were uptight. Saying stuff like “They are so OCD.” It was hard for me to expand my definition of OCD. It was even harder for me to identify these symptoms within myself. Sure there were routines and patterns I followed, but I had never thought of them as compulsions. I had never realized my thoughts were obsessions. OCD was so engrained in my everyday activities that it seemed overwhelming to try to begin changing these patterns. 
I don’t know the best way to describe OCD but I’m going to try. When you have OCD, your mind is your worst enemy. It knows all your insecurities and your fears. Your mind uses every weapon it has against you. For me, the OCD starts out quiet, like a whisper. On good days I can quiet the whisper, but on bad days the OCD screams at me. There’s this constant fear of messing up. Even if you have done everything within your power to do your best, it’s never enough. You are never enough. When your mind is your worst enemy, how do you escape it?

Author: Kenzie

I am a 24 year old Marriage and Family Therapy graduate student at Fairfield University. I graduated salutatorian of my undergraduate class with a Bachelors Degree in Psychology from Mitchell College. I will graduate from Fairfield with my Masters degree in December of 2017. Check me & my cat out on instagram: My Account: @Kenzie_quotes_22 Cats' Account: @Ajaxcheetto Thanks for Visiting!!! πŸ™‹β€πŸ˜ΊπŸ˜Έ Check me out on Deviant Art: http://kenzie-22.deviantart.com

3 thoughts on “The OCD Got to Me”

  1. I love when people tell their stories of mental illness that seem ‘atypical’ because it teaches people beyond the stereotypes and generalities. In a way it can be even more difficult to share because it isn’t what people expect or can immediately understand.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your comment! I think it can be easy to give power to stereotypes when they are used to commonly. It’s easy to see the surface of a situation but when you look deeper, that’s when you really learn the truth about things. There is something to be said about experience.

      Like

      1. Just like you said, you didn’t realize that your thoughts were obsessive and many others don’t realize that there is a name for what they are going through because people only make assumptions about how mental illness is!

        Liked by 1 person

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